Thursday, September 15, 2011

Hard to see the reality.

You never realize, when in a cloud of sadness, how blind you truly are. It's pretty aggravating. Now that the cloud is clearing somewhat, I realize how vulnerable I am, and how naive, or insecure I've been. It's a lot to take in. The steps I need to take now are extraordinary and difficult. I don't know if anyone can agree, but trying to find happiness in yourself seems boring and hard to do! Finding happiness in people, on the other hand, is easy but it never lasts. So here's to the arduous task of becoming happy on my own.

Hiking, which you're probably all tired of hearing about, is working like a charm. However, it is extremely difficult. I am lucky that I find it so entertaining at the same time. I'm losing emotional and physical weight. Two birds, one stone! I also think I may start riding my bike back and forth from school. (scary!) I'm focused on achieving this one goal I think will solve all my other problems. That is being healthy, and happy with the way I look. The second goal, is to be a kinder, more outgoing person (I'm hoping this will come after the previous goal is reached). So yeah, yeah, yeah...this is that whole "finding yourself" phase that a lot of 20 somethings go through. I cannot roll my eyes any harder! I do apologize, but I just really needed to write this all down.

Tomorrow I'm going on a walking tour through Jersey City for class participation points, then I'm going to read, read, and read. Later on I have to watch someone's home for the weekend, and then go see David Bazan on Sunday. This weekend is pretty busy. I hope to squeeze in at least one commission.

I also got my artwork back yesterday. Really happy about that.


  1. Been there, it's always tough to find happiness within oneself but it's worth it! Remember to tell yourself that you are a ray of sunshine, and that without you the world would be less bright! :D It works like a charm :)

  2. If you think the 20s finding yourself thing is bad wait til you hit the 30s existential crisis thing. ;)

    I think you're doing just fine, better than you may realize. You're self aware and that's the first battle.